The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
