Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
