Im at strip club and am horny
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So many bounce houses so little time
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
