I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize