pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Barsexuality is the new black.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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