dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
