so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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