What a fucking waste of an outfit
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.