I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.