Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.