My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.