Just fell off a train. Bad.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a