She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
