i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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