garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Welp...herpes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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