i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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