sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
