So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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