I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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