New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
