Just took my morning after pill in the library
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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