Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
