What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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