I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
