how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
