i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
