I think I died a long time ago.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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