During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize