I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
