I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
