I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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