We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
