I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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