Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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