I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
