he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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