I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
