So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.