I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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