I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
