if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
