so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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