i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
