She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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