My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.