i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating