plz talk dirty to me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.