I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
