by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
