Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
