i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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