I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize