you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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