I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
