Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
what day is it and did you see me today?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises