Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday