Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
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So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance