We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.