there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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